He Was a Quiet Man

The sequel to John Ford's The Quiet Man takes a disturbing turn.

72 Joint Locks of Eagle Claw

Hidden in the box is a coveted Chin Na action figure with 72 point of articulation.

House on Hooter Hill

I heard they have good wings at Hooters.

Big Cat

Note to filmmakers: Don't let your four-year old name the film.

Amateur Porn Star Killer

Seriously, people - learn how to use modifying words! Is this movie about someone who kills amateur porn stars or an amateur killer who focuses on porn stars?

My secret belief is that the film is really about a horror film director who struggles with basic grammar.

The Last Man Hit

Remember how you used to slug your brother and then say, "No hitbacks!!"

Apparently, that self-defense works so well that they made a movie about it. One man single-handedly brings about world peace by slugging everyone and then claiming "No hitbacks!"

She Wolves of the Wasteland

If they're supposed to be she-wolves, shouldn't they be hairier? IJS.

Killer Pad

Dear People Who Produce Slang,

About 10 to 20 years after your catchy slang phrase enters the popular consciousness, someone will use it as a title for a Grade Z horror film.

This is just a friendly warning. If you don't believe me, just wait for an upcoming mutant animal film titled, "Who Let Dogs Out?"

I am Tibet!

The sequel to Francis Ford Coppola's I am Vietnam!, this film explores the adventures of the poor deluded egomaniacs who claim to be the living embodiments of entire nations.

Nerd Boy

Finally, my story is told.

Miracle Dogs Too

Oh, look! A sequel to the movie Miracle Dogs Won. Oh look! They misspelled "two" on purpose. I could choke on the cuteness.

Keep-fit Massage for Auto-healthy

The healthiest-looking man in the universe teaches you how to achieve a state of auto-healthy.

Blood Car

The energy crisis gets so bad, people start thinking of blood as an alternative fuel.

3 Pigs and a Baby

I've heard of being raised by wolves, but this is something different.

The Burning

"The Burning" is part 1 of the trilogy that includes, "The Itching" and "The Scratching."

Snow Buddies

No.

Dolla Bill Live in Jamacia

Who says the Dolla is weak? The Dolla Bill is alive and well... in Jamaica.

Bachelor Party Massacre

Tom Hanks opted out of this sequel.

Meatball Machine

Those "Mama Mia, that's a spicy meatball!" guys are staging their comeback, apparently.

Zzyzx

If you use a pull quote from Aint it Cool News and it doesn't end in three exclamation points(!!!), then it is probably a fake. And if you are using a fake quote from a website that predominantly features the colors brown and purple, your movie is in some serious trouble. Seriously.

Frog Song

"Erotica for the mind as well as the body" apparently means dressing up as a hideous frog and pouring pure nightmare fuel over all the children of the world.